|
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful
woman is one who can find such a man.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes
silent.
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married
couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.
A husband said to his wife,
"No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your
mother-in-law better than I like mine."
|
 |
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that
his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half
to death."
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and
the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced
pain and bought jewelry.
|
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the
second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the
wife.
A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband
excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"
|
|
 |
|
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the
father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If
it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't
be here."
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was
spending less than his wife did.
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored
wife: Because I married the wrong man!
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman
listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the
car
is new or the wife.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After
marriage,
he will fall asleep before you finish.
Bachelors should pay more taxes, they enjoy a better quality of life.
Marriage is a three ring circus:
engagement ring
wedding ring
|
|
|
|
|
